Navigating your first holidays alone after a divorce: Finding Ease Amid the Blues
This season is often seen as a time for joy, but if you’re facing the holidays after divorce or separation, it can feel overwhelming and isolating. When holiday traditions once filled with laughter and love now serve as painful reminders of change, the thought of celebrating might seem impossible. But there is hope. With thoughtful planning, a shift in perspective, and a dose of self-compassion, you can navigate this season with greater ease—and even find moments of peace and joy along the way.
Here are 7 tips to help you ease the holiday blues after a divorce:
1. Plan Ahead
Don’t wait until the last minute to figure out your holiday plans. This will only add to your stress and overwhelm. If your kids will be spending the holidays with your Ex, decide how you will spend the day. If holiday traditions are too painful this year, skip them or try some new ones. You can always restart old traditions next year.
There is no rule that you must celebrate the holiday on the exact calendar date. If you have your kids before or after the holiday, you can celebrate whenever you choose.
2. Choose How You Want To Feel
Being positive when your world is imploding may seem impossible, but choosing how you want to feel is key. This is not about toxic positivity or emotional bypass. In fact, it is essential to release the emotion rather than push it down. Were you place your focus and attention your energy flows. So, decide ahead of time where you want to place your focus and then recommit over and over. Simple, but not always easy, I know.
It is essential to release the emotion rather than push it down.
3. Allow Yourself Time to Grieve
This holiday season may feel painful and you need time to grieve. Denying your feelings only makes them stronger. Instead of making the process move faster, it often has the opposite effect. Grieving is part of the healing process of moving through a divorce or separation. Your first holiday season as a restructured family will highlight the fact that life will be different moving forward. Be kind to yourself by leaving space to grieve that loss.
4. Set Realistic Holiday Expectations
Release the pressure to have a “perfect” holiday. This season may look different, and that’s okay. Accept that it may feel difficult this year, but also remind yourself that this feeling won’t last forever. Allowing room for imperfection takes some of the pressure off and opens the door for a more genuine experience, whatever that looks like for you this year.
5. Make it a priority to care for yourself
Self-care is essential throughout the year but becomes even more critical during the holidays. If you feel tempted to isolate or withdraw, challenge yourself to engage in activities that uplift you, even in small ways. Make a list of self-care activities and commit to one each day. Set a timer for 10 minutes if you need help getting started, and allow yourself to move on after the timer goes off. Small, consistent acts of self-care can lift your spirits and help you reconnect with yourself.
6. Build New Holiday Traditions
Moving forward, some traditions may need to be retired, and that’s okay. Instead of focusing on what’s missing, embrace the opportunity to create new, meaningful traditions. Ask your kids what they’d like to do this year, and remain open to their ideas. Remember, you can create beautiful memories, even if things look different than before.
Some ideas for new traditions may include:
- Plan a holiday movie marathon - pick a date and some of your favorite holiday movies and snacks and have a dedicated solo movie night!
- Find a good book - Is there a book you've been wanting to read? Treat yourself and buy it or check it out at the library and take some time to finally enjoy reading it.
- Spend a day baking - Try a new receipe or pull out an old favorite and make a batch just for you or drop off a gift at a friend's house or two.
7. Learn How to Cope with Loneliness in Healthy Ways
One of the best ways to combat loneliness during the holidays is by focusing on others. Volunteering is a powerful way to lift your spirits while making a positive impact. This year, consider volunteer opportunities like serving meals at a shelter, visiting nursing homes, or helping out at a holiday toy drive.
If you prefer more independent ways to give back, you can still help others through simple acts of kindness. Pack care bags with items like granola bars, water bottles, and warm socks, and donate them to a local shelter or keep them in your car to distribute as needed. Another idea is to make holiday cards with your kids and deliver them to nursing homes, hospitals, or community centers.
Giving back, whether through organized events or small gestures, can ease feelings of loneliness and bring a sense of connection and fulfillment to your holiday season.
Finding Calm and Connection This Holiday Season
Navigating the holiday season alone isn’t easy, but by planning ahead, practicing self-compassion, and setting realistic expectations, you can create a more peaceful experience.
If this holiday season feels overwhelming, you don’t have to face it alone. The Happiest Holiday Ever Experience is designed to help you find calm, connection, and joy—no matter what this time of year brings. Using my PEACE Method, you’ll gain the tools to navigate the season with confidence and ease.
Through this experience, you’ll learn to:
P ause with a powerful breathwork exercise
E nvision a holiday filled with ease
A lign with a guiding focus
C hoose supportive actions over stressful “shoulds”
E mbrace a peaceful holiday
You'll create a season that feels lighter, more joyful, and truly fulfilling—no matter what’s happening around you.
Looking for more information and inspiration so you can survive and thrive during and after divorce? Join my private Facebook Group Separation & Divorce Support: Building a New Normal One Piece at a Time
